Books I want to read (Top 15)

[So on goodreads I have currently 197 books on my “to-read”-list, so these here are just the ones I look forward to reading the most. And this only includes books that are already released.]

Everything, Everything

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Six Of Crows

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Between The Lives

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The Sky Is Everywhere

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Dear Killer

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The Darkest Minds Triology

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Throne Of Glass Series

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I Was Here

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Find You In The Dark

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Die Young With Me

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Unforgiven

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Letters To The Dead

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When We Collided

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The Trials Of Apollo: The Hidden Oracle

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Denazen Triology

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Playlist for the Dead

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Firebird Triology

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Fear

Now you were alone

Wondering what the difference between alone and lonely even was

When you were at the one place where you could feel your tears

Always scared to lose your fears

No one is actually afraid of things, we’re just afraid of the fear itself. And fear is something that can be very treacherous. It shows you an illusion that is the complete opposite of your character. It knows all of your weaknesses and it also knows how to use them against you. My brother always told me this when I couldn’t sleep at night and would crawl into his bed, so he would protect me from the monsters under my bed. As a child I never quiet understood what he meant, but now as I am older and my fears changed, I believer every word he once told me. And it’s not only important to know that fear isn’t real, you also need to understand the power fear has when it comes to changing people. Fear stops you from doing things you really want, it stops you from getting to know so many different sides of life. And even though I know this and many of you probably know it too, we’re still letting fear rule our life. But what are we supposed to do about it? Fear is what makes us human. It’s what lets us survive. Because if we wouldn’t be afraid of things that are dangerous for us, what would stop us from doing them? So fear is necessary, not only for us but also for the universe.

Compass

The first thing you need to learn about life is that it’s a series of changes.

The second thing is that you are one human being of seven billion.

The third thing is that no one will ever be able to understand you like yourself.

I’ve always searched for some kind of compass that can lead me through my life. To help me make decisions that I don’t feel comfortable deciding. I get lost quite a lot, not only in the hallways of my school or searching for clothes in a store, but also in my head. Daydreaming probably is what I do 99% of my time and I don’t say it’s bad, you just have to learn to do both: Daydreaming and focusing on real life. Because if you lose focus on what is happening right in front of you then you won’t come far in life – at least that’s what my parents always tell me. I partly agree with them. Imagination is important, in so many ways. It can help you to get a totally new perspective on things and it can make your life so much more interesting and special. Focusing on things like grades in school and keeping your social contacts alive on the other hand, stops you from drowning in loneliness. And believe me I know exactly how that feels. So balance is important. But there isn’t just one equation to find your balance – your compass. Every individual person on this planet has a different compass. The heart. No matter how far you drift away, it will always lead you back to the place you belong. And even though it isn’t always easy to completely trust it, I think we all really need to learn to listen to it more carefully. Because our head may be the thing that leads us through our real life, but our heart is what leads us through our imagination.

Goodbye 2016 🌈

Best movie of the year: Captain America 3 (Civil War)/ Phantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them

Favorite song of the year: too many 😂

Most embarrassing moment of the year: I ran into a door at school and my crush saw it 😂

Best moment of the year: Seing 5SOS live 😍

Biggest lesson learned this year: You have to work really hard to reach your goals

Best conversation you had this year: midnight phone call with my best friend 

Most memorable trip of the year: weekend trip with my whole family ❤️

Newsworthy event with the most impact: the murder of Christina Grimmie, I cried for weeks

Most overrated celebrity story this year: everything taylor swift, kanye west and kim kardashian related

Best thing you did for someone else this year: surprising my internet bestie on her birthday ❤️

Hardest you laughed this year: playing a game on playstation with my best friend and we had no idea how it works 😂

Best piece of advice you got this year: Don’t be so hard on yourself 🦄

Day this past year you’d live over and over: May 25th 😍

Favorite holiday memory of the year: Christmas morning with my family and our burned pancakes 😂

Most memorable moment in pop culture: too many good people in the showbuisness died this year and the release of Shawn Mendes’ 2nd album 


Life Lessons (1)

I always wondered why the most beautiful things in the world are those which can easily destroy us. It’s like we are addicted to the danger that we can sense when we are close to them. I found myself dancing outside in the rain in the middle of a storm and I didn’t care if I was struck by lightning or if the wind would blow me away. Another time I found myself holding my hand over the flames of a candle, just because I wanted to feel the pain. When I was younger I imagined to be every superhero I saw on TV. I even tried to fly once and broke my arm on that day without even thinking about the risks I would take. Why are we so fascinated of danger? What makes us always fall in love with someone we know will break our heart? Why are we willing to risk everything only to lose again and again? I guess it’s just something that lies deep within us. Something that we aren’t able to get rid of. Nature.

It isn’t supposed to be easy in life. To be honest, are the most wonderful things are the ones you have to fight for, even if everyone tries to convince you that you are making the wrong decision. I learn from quiet different things in life, it really depends on how they catch my attention. This right here is what I learned from watching the tv show “Gilmore Girls” while I grew up. The relationship between Rory and Jess was the most beautiful and meaningful one in the whole show. They don’t have to be your favorite couple for my statement to be true – I will show you why.

Jess had a huge impact on Rorys life: He taught her to express herself and showed her that there are more important things in life than school. That she can be more than the shy girl who always follows the rules. That true love can be painful but worth it. He lured her out of her comfort zone, because if we are honest than that’s exactly what helps us grow. He showed her the difficult sides of life and how to overcome them. He made her stronger.

But because of Rory, Jess changed over the course of time too. He started to believe in himself and in the things he could achieve in life. He opened his heart for her and through all the ups and downs, he was always a constant in her life. He learned that love is not only painful and that it isn’t a bad thing to show people that you care about them. That you aren’t supposed to waste your intelligence and that it’s important to have goals in life.

They complimented each other so well just because they were so different. Even though they had similar interests, they still had completely different personalities. Over the course of time they always fought for each other – they never gave up. And that’s exactly what I learned from them: The most wonderful things in life are the hardest to achieve but at the same time they are also the ones it’s worth fighting for. 

Afraid Of Change

I think the misery in life starts when you realize that you aren’t a kid anymore. When everything gets way more complicated and you are starting to lose focus. Christmas was a really good example for me, because I used to love it so much and – don’t get me wrong – I still do, but it’s different now. You not only see the sparkly side of christmas but also the negative side. When I was younger christmas started for me in november, right after my birthday. This year christmas never really started, not even on christmas eve/morning. And now that it’s over, the only hint that christmas really happened are the new books in my bookshelf. Maybe I’m just too afraid of growing up and overvalue these things, but it’s not only christmas that has changed. The way I see my family now, especially my parents couldn’t be more different than before. The older I became the more often I asked myself ‘If you’re parents weren’t your parents, would you be friends with them?’ ‘No’. ‘When you move out with 18 will you contact and visit them frequently?’ ‘I don’t know’. And all these thoughts really scare me, because my parents are wonderful people but I just don’t have such a deeply connection to them as others have to their parents. I would never describe my mum as my best friend and I probably fight 98% of the time with my dad. Because they see life in a totally different perspective. I know that they will never agree with the way I want to live and even though it will probably hurt at the beginning, I know that me growing up will mean losing contact to my parents. My dream is to move to a different country, to become a writer and to publish my own book. And I know that change is necessary to achieve my goals, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. I just have to accept it. The next thing is school. I only have 1 1/2 years left until I graduate which is scary and amazing at the same time. It means I’m finally free, but it also means that I have to take care of myself. That I’m responsible for what I do and that I have to build myself a life. Because if we’re honest, then our life isn’t our parents life. We don’t own anything they own. We are just guests until we learn to live on our own. I’m not even sure if my friends will stay my friends forever. To be honest, I don’t know anything and I’m not even sure what the purpose of this entry is: Just know that you aren’t the only one who is afraid of changes. Everyone is in some kind of way afraid of them.