Afraid Of Change

I think the misery in life starts when you realize that you aren’t a kid anymore. When everything gets way more complicated and you are starting to lose focus. Christmas was a really good example for me, because I used to love it so much and – don’t get me wrong – I still do, but it’s different now. You not only see the sparkly side of christmas but also the negative side. When I was younger christmas started for me in november, right after my birthday. This year christmas never really started, not even on christmas eve/morning. And now that it’s over, the only hint that christmas really happened are the new books in my bookshelf. Maybe I’m just too afraid of growing up and overvalue these things, but it’s not only christmas that has changed. The way I see my family now, especially my parents couldn’t be more different than before. The older I became the more often I asked myself ‘If you’re parents weren’t your parents, would you be friends with them?’ ‘No’. ‘When you move out with 18 will you contact and visit them frequently?’ ‘I don’t know’. And all these thoughts really scare me, because my parents are wonderful people but I just don’t have such a deeply connection to them as others have to their parents. I would never describe my mum as my best friend and I probably fight 98% of the time with my dad. Because they see life in a totally different perspective. I know that they will never agree with the way I want to live and even though it will probably hurt at the beginning, I know that me growing up will mean losing contact to my parents. My dream is to move to a different country, to become a writer and to publish my own book. And I know that change is necessary to achieve my goals, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. I just have to accept it. The next thing is school. I only have 1 1/2 years left until I graduate which is scary and amazing at the same time. It means I’m finally free, but it also means that I have to take care of myself. That I’m responsible for what I do and that I have to build myself a life. Because if we’re honest, then our life isn’t our parents life. We don’t own anything they own. We are just guests until we learn to live on our own. I’m not even sure if my friends will stay my friends forever. To be honest, I don’t know anything and I’m not even sure what the purpose of this entry is: Just know that you aren’t the only one who is afraid of changes. Everyone is in some kind of way afraid of them.


If you could date one male book character in real life, who would it be? Either Julien (Kuss des Dämons), Zed (Finding Sky), Hector (Starcrossed) or Noah (Mara Dyer Chronicles). They are four of my all time favorite male book characters and I wish I could really date them irl 🙂

Name three book characters you identify yourself with: Katy (Lux Series) because of her passionate love for books and writing; Finch/Violet (All The Bright Places) because they think a lot, live in their own world and have a really special way to express themselves; Julian (The Dark Artifices) because he is very caring and creative and always tries to see the good in people ♥

Name some of your all time favorite albums: Vessel/Blurryface (Twenty One Pilots); Handwritten/Illuminate (Shawn Mendes); That’s The Spirit (Bring Me The Horizon); Demi (Demi Lovato); Back From The Edge (James Arthur); EVOLution (Sabrina Carpenter); Blue Neighbourhood (Troye Sivan); 5 Seconds Of Summer/Sounds Good Feels Good (5SOS); Nine Track Mind (Charlie Puth); Update: Divide (Ed Sheeran), Future Hearts (All Time Low), Don’t Panic: It’s longer now (All Time Low)

Last book you bought? I actually went shopping with my best friend today and bought two new books 🙂 Oblivion (Jennifer L. Armentrout) and Holding Up The Universe (Jennifer Niven)

The very first book you read and that made you fall in love with reading? Beautiful Creatures (Kami Garica and Margaret Stohl)

Name a song that reminds you of another period of your life: Cough Syrup, I used to listen to the Glee version of this song a lot when I suffered from Depression. And I actually still love to listen to this song, because it reminds me of the fact that we can all survive dark times even if it may not seem like we can 🙂

Do you love your favorite book couple or your favorie tv couple more? That’s really hard for me to decide. So there are Stiles and Lydia on the one hand and Julien and Dawn on the other hand. And even though I love love love Stydia, I have to chose Julien and Dawn. In my opinion, there is no one in the entire “world” who loves someone as much as Julien loves Dawn. 

First person you’ve ever obsessed over? Jess from Gilmore Girls and probably a lot of other people I don’ remember 🙂

Something you hate about a fandom you’re in? This happens in nearly every fandom I’m in, but it currently happened in the Teen Wolf and Riverdale fandom: Hate between the different ships. Stydia vs. Stalia and Beronica vs. Jughead. It’s okay if you don’t ship the same couples as I do, but don’t be rude about it.

Any upcoming concerts? Shawn Mendes and Ariana Grande. I’m also hoping that James Arthur will announce a world tour for this year 🙂

First thing you notice when you meet someone? Their eyes and their smile.

Favorite song at the moment? Either “Sign Of The Times” by Harry Styles or “Paralyzed” by NF ♥ But my favorite song changes nearly every day 🙂